13 years ago you changed my life forever....

Thirteen years and nine months ago I was planning on taking the world by storm...everyone would know my name...forget JLO Maria was about to make it on the scene.  I was enrolled in my second year of college majoring in Theatrical Makeup and I was going to either be the next Rick Baker or the next JLO...hehehehehe....BUT....and this is another HUGE BUT....GOD had different plans for me....he had an entirely different...more challenging...but oooo so much more rewarding journey for me to start on....so I found out I was expecting my Johnny....and Johnny what you did for me is you made me realize dreams I never knew I had! You made me a mommy and I am so blessed that it was you.  I am so honored to have this amazing boy who simply is the sweetest and most caring lil metalhead I could have ever prayed for.  Happy Birthday my reeces peanut butter loving, shepards pie adoring, music prodigy knowing, nacho libre watching, baby brother and sister snuggling handsome THIRTEEN YEAR OLD!!!!

I hope you have the best day ever my sweet boy.....Im going to sign off...sneek into his bedroom with Bella and Mateo and some ballons and snuggle my teenager....my baby boy!

The Eve of Johnny's Teenage Years....I love him sooo much...you will always be my baby

All I have to say is...tomorrow I have a Teenager...with a heart of GOLD!

A MUCH NEEDED TRANSLATION

Every morning I wake up and blast the ipod dock....blarring musci throughout our house....MUSIC is HUGE in our home...it is the very essence of our home....it lives in us all...Obviously Johnny bleeds music plays it...breathes it...BLEEDS it!!!!  Bella dances 24-7 to all kins of music!!!!  Mateo would rather listen to music than play with any toy offered to him!!!!!  I dont sing...I SCREAM lyrics so loud that i am surprised the police hasnt shown up promptly at 7am!!!!  And my Jamas probably couldn't lift one of his weights without his "secret" colletion of songs on his workout ipod (I bet there is some Britney or Usher on that sucker!)  Anywho...the point is music is obviously huge....and this morning as evey morning I was blarring music and the song NO CREO EN EL JAMAS came on....and like EVERY single time it scattered goosebumps all over my body...and I realized I NEVER shared them with my blogging buddies!!!!  this is the song whose title I tatooed on my arm....I want to share it in both spanish and english...beautiful both ways but ofcourse the spanish holds my heart because Juanes and his voice drive me insane!!!!!!  So with out any further delay...I give you NO CREO IN EL JAMAS


*PLEASE.....take a moment to read and absorb every single word.....hopefully it will move you to tattoo it on yourself as well.....OR NOT?

I don't believe in 'never'

When life hits me and gets me down
is when I feel the most the need to rise up
that facing the fear is a way to defeat it
I won't give up, I won't give my life to fear
fear is a murderer who kills the feelings
everytime I am alone is because God is here, inside

And I need silence to be able to find
my own voice and my truth
And at the and of darkness
I don't feel alone, I know you are with me

Today I'll rise and I won't resign my heart
to do what I wanted but I wasn't able to
I won't accept today, I will try to be better
life has a solution, there's nothing impossible
I don't believe in "never"...no!

If giving up is a way of dying
then I never want to please death
I think about my family, my heart beats stronger
One can't live thinking about the day he'll die
and they say that dreaming is like dreaming while being alive
And I believe in the present, and that is getting me away from death

And I need silence to be able to find
my own voice and my truth
And at the and of darkness
I don't feel alone, I know you are with me

Today I'll rise and I won't resign my heart
to do what I wanted but I wasn't able to
I won't accept today, I will try to be better
life has a solution, there's nothing impossible
I don't believe in "never"...no!

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NO Creo en el Jamas

Cuando la vida me da golpes y me manda para el suelo
es cuando yo mas siento que tengo que levantarme
que dar la cara al miedo, es una forma de vencerlo
no voy a darme por vencido, no voy a darle mi vida el miedo
el miedo es un asesino que mata los sentimientos
siempre que estoy solo, es porque dios esta aqui adentro

Y necesito silecio para poder encontrar
mi propia vos y mi verdad....
Y al final de la oscuridad
no me siento solo, se que estas conmigo

Hoy voy a levantarme y no voy a resignar mi corazon
hacer lo que quice y no pude
No lo voy a aceptar hoy, voy a buscar estar mejor
la vida tiene solucion, aqui no hay nada imposible
no creo en el jamas.... no! (X2)

Si darse por vencido es una forma de morir,
entonces yo jamas quiero darle el gusto a la muerte
Pienso en mi familia, el corazon late mas fuerte
Que no se puede vivir pensando en cuando se va a morir
y dicen que sonar es tanto como sonar estando vivo
Yo creo en el presente y eso me aleja de la muerte

Y necesito silecio para poder encontrar
mi propia vos y mi verdad....
Y al final de la oscuridad
no me siento solo, se que estas conmigo

Hoy voy a levantarme y no voy a resignar mi corazon
hacer lo que quice y no pude
No lo voy a aceptar hoy, voy a buscar estar mejor
la vida tiene solucion, aqui no hay nada imposible
no creo en el jamas.... no!

Which leads me to one final thought...I havent tattooed my body in over 1 year....NOT OK....these images are inspiring me to run out and do so!!!!

catching my breath...but so happy to do so...

 My relaxing Birthday Dinner....Bella made sure to make it fancy...she is so wonderful!

 Did I mention this kid is giving me continuous HEART ATTACKS with how much he is moving and shaking...AND....CLIMBING...oh dear lord!

 Grandpa Doug...Splish Splashing....

 Storybook time with Grandma Gigi...

 Hanging out with Grandpa Greg....

Getting ready to make it ALLLLLLLL about this BIG TWEEN this week...only have 3 more days to call him TWEEN!!!!!

Oh yes.....and the highlight of my ENTIRE weekend....seeing this lil face...make this lil pout...I LOVE it...am I a horrible mommy that I enjoy this face...I will actually stop and watch it...too much too handle!

Been a BUSY few days for us over here in the Bryan/Arnold Abode....we have been summer listing it like CRAZY...and this weekend we celebrated the Baptisim of our delightfully chubby and thunder thigh rockin bambino Mateo...it was a perfect day....and I CANNOT wait to share pictures with all of you....let's just say there were a slew of smiles and an abundance of love generated from EVERYONE who attended....including 3 of his grandparents whom made the trek from Northern California to share in this wonderful day....and then Sunday was this crazy womans THIRTY-THIRD BIRTHDAY....WOW...I was actually honest about my age this time...did you all see that...I told the truth about my age....phew...shows how much I love all of you who read my blog...just please keep it on the down low because my facebook states that I just turned 32....hehehehe.  I spent the day just as I love....relaxing with the ones I love....enjoying a yummy breakfast that Grandpa Doug spoiled us with and the previous night Grandma Gigi and Grandpa Greg treated this happy lady to only the GREATEST Sushi this side of the earth......holy cow...so good...AND....our Mateo slept the entire time so Jamas and I both enjoyed our dinner with 2 hands (no offense boom boom...mommy and daddy love you!) So to all of you who celebrated both Mateo and Moi....Thank You...we are blessed to have you all!  PS...my sweet Jamas surprised me with my OBSESSION which I will share with you shortly...my plan is to work on it sometime this week between summer listing it...and celebrating the STUFFING out of my babies BIRTHDAY WEEK...DEAR LORD THIS FRIDAY I OFFICIALLY AM MOTHER TO A TEENAGER.....I AM BESIDE MYSELF!!!! MORE TO COME!!!!

Our 7 month old bunny...Mateo

Oh my goodness....it happened....Mateo is officially mobile....WE ARE TALKING POSSIBLY WALKING AT 9 MONTHS MOBILE!!!  And, I must admit...I wasn't ready for this...both Johnny and Bella crawled at around 11 months and this new little whiper snapper decided that this month would be the month to crawl....SERIOUS?  And ontop of crawling Mateo continues to bring so much happiness to our family with every coo....mama....baba...and babble he can utter.  He has been more and more curious about the world around him...and we just are entranced watching him do this.  Bella and Johnny are amazing with him...I got really sick this past month and they literally swiped him up and cared for him so I could rest....they are so natural with him....so careful...and so loving.  And our sweet Jamas could not be more inlove with all three of the kids.....I fall inlove with him deeper and deeper everyday watching him consumed by the love being a father has brought him.  

This month Mateo...

CRAWLS

Laughs

toots very loudly

sleeps in his new crib

watched his first firework show

camped with his brother and sister

watched his first sunset sitting on the sand

eats peas, avacados, peaches, oatmeal, carots and sweet potatoes

grabs at EVERYTHING

discovered his bookself and that its fun to throw books off it

grabs my face and plants big sloppy wet kisses (my favorite)

and...drumroll please...SCREAMING

HAPPY SEVENTH MONTH CUPCAKE!!!!!!!!!!! WE ADORE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lazy summer mornings....

I have always been a rushing, thinking, talking, running, idea filled kinda gal....the kind that moves so fast I am constantly falling...tripping...burning myself...and forgetting half of my ideas anyway.  Infact, one of my last clumsy moments I swore to myself I was going to SLOW DOWN...and embracing our LAZY SUMMER MORNINGS.... where all we do is snuggle, watch OLD movies, snuggle, bake, snuggle, and wait for our Papa Bear to come home.

I love these kiddos so much it hurts.....and it hurts even more when I look at the calendar and see that it's July 20th and half the summer is already over.....I wanna scream!!!!  I do feel so blessed that I was chosen to be mommy to these three kids...and I often ponder....yes thats right I said ponder (I like to ponder versus think sometimes...its just the way I roll) WHAT ARE THE BEST WAYS WE CAN LOVE OUR KIDS....and I came up with MY own personal list:
Enjoy them
Expose our imperfections to them
Explain the reasons behind our decisions to them
Exchange ideas with them
Be the happiest and healthiest ME that I can be for them
Be Present in every moment...good and bad
And...Help them believe that they can go further than they can dream.

Being a good mom to me is simple...its raising a happy child...not the best dressed...most athletic...most attractive...has best toys..greatest vacations...its watching them be anywhere with a smile on their faces and spread it around. I want to stop...slow down and watch Johnny re-string his guitar....I want to slow down and watch Bella create her new dance...I want to slow down and watch Mateo pull his socks off and try to eat them.  I want to wipe every tear off their face and listen them explain why they cry...I dont want to ask them to be quiet...I want to hear them speak some more.

I love you my 3 lil cupcakes....you made dreams that I didnt even know I had come true!